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Joke of the Day

"As a child, it really stressed me out that Rocky was late to his second fight with Apollo Creed. I mean, don't be late to that."

"What does Sting have in common with a snitch? They both sang at the police."

"Don't judge me. Judge Judy."

"""Look we LOVE the script for 'Murder Bees', just change the name to 'My Girl' and you've got yourself a movie!!"""

"What's the difference between Usain Bolt and Hitler? Bolt can finish a race."

"Biden: can i put whoopee cushions under all the chairs before he gets here Obama: joe im on the phone Biden:*muttering* u didnt say not to"

"I imagine the hardest part about being vegan is getting up before sunrise to milk all of those almonds."

"What's the worst part about locking your keys in your car next to an abortion clinic? Having to go in to ask for a coat hangar."

"Meta - Despite the rumors I am not stepping down as Mod for /r/jokes. Here's why. I wasn't a mod in the first place."

"ME: I give you all my love and infection. HIM: Um. Don't you mean love and 'affection'? ME: ... HIM: ... ME: You should get tested."