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Joke of the Day

"Come on iPhone! It's someone, not semen. Now my mom thinks I'll find semen to help me. Related: I'm looking for semen to help me."

"There are 2 cats. One is called ""One Two Three"" and the other is called ""Un Deux Trois"", which is the best at swimming? ""One Two Three"" obviously. Because ""Un Deux Trois"" cat sank"

"This sushi restaurant has the worst service. ""Ma'am this is an aquarium"""

"The best things in life are free. Like your neighbor's wifi, their morning paper & their liquor cabinet while they're away, for instance."

"I bet you vegetarians don't even feel guilty eating baby carrots. Barbarians."

"I have never seen the movie Titanic and I never plan to because a friend spoiled the ending for me The boat sinks. Credit to u/Donkey__Xote for this beautiful comment in an r/AskReddit thread"

"I brought my cannibal friend over to a party... He sucked the life right out of it."

"What do you call a slice of bread from another country? An immigraint."

"Why did the mangaka fire her assistant? She didn't like his tone."

"Why did Plato's worst student always have stuff stuck in his teeth? He didn't understand Flossophy!"