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Joke of the Day

"If someone asks you what time it is they either: want to sleep with you; or are some kind of psycho that doesn't have a cellphone."

"I've finally achieved my lifelong dream of becoming a stand-up comedian Thank you prosthetic legs!"

"Difference between Memory and RAM? What is the difference between Memory and RAM? I can't Memory my junk in a girl's butt."

"What does Spiderman like to get high on? Mary Jane"

"angel: they seem to be doing well God: give them more diseases angel: is that really necess- God: and social anxiety and kill a gorilla"

"I like to picture my mom in the middle of the crowd at a Wu Tang concert, hands on her hips, just shouting grammar corrections back at them"

"What doesn't belong in this list? Wife, eggs, meat, blowjob. Blowjob doesn't belong. Why? Because you can beat your eggs, your meat, or your wife, but you can't beat a blowjob!"

"Which vampire ate the three bears' porridge? Ghouldilocks."

"I was grinding on a girl in a club last night and she said to me, ""Will you please take your skateboard and f#ck off!"""

"I don't know why people call me arrogant I'm the most humble guy in the world"