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Joke of the Day
"As a kid I always wanted to be a conductor ... Now I think it requires too much training."
Next Joke
"What part of a heavy metal show involves bad jokes. Smosh pits."
"This is a fine day for Brian Fitzpatrick He can finally marry his long-time partner, Patrick Fitzbrian."
"My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard and they're like, ""This is all melted! Why would you serve this outside?"""
"What do you get when you intersect two planes? A national travesty."
"What's the difference between a Catholic priest and a pimple? A pimple doesn't come on a boys face until he's 13"
"2 Jehovah's witnesses knocked earlier, so I invited them in. I gave 1 the hoover & 1 a mop. If they can do Gods work, they can do mine."
"I would rather have Bill Cosby as President than Donald Trump.. because if America is gonna get fucked for 4 years I wanna be asleep when it happens."
"I hate and despise violence In fact, the very thought of it makes me want to beat the shit out of someone"
"My physics professor gave us a really difficult exam question about a ball with a changing rate of acceleration. It was a jerk move."