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Joke of the Day

"2 Jehovah's witnesses knocked earlier, so I invited them in. I gave 1 the hoover & 1 a mop. If they can do Gods work, they can do mine."

"My GF arrives in town next week. I'm so excited! I just hope that all the tension w/ Russia doesn't make U.S. immigration hold up the mail."

"Why was the black man so tall? ...Because his knee grows."

"Q: What do a bungee jump and a hooker have in common? A: They're both cheap, fast, and if the rubber breaks, you're dead."

"Nobody is saving anything on car insurance. We're all being ripped off."

"What do you call bees that make milk instead of honey? BOOBIES XD"

"""FOUR MORE EARS! FOUR MORE EARS! FOUR MORE EARS!"" --Me eating an insane amount of corn"

"Nurse: You need to eat or you can't have your pain meds. Me: Do the thing. Nurse: Me: Nurse: *holding fork* [sigh]*makes airplane noise*"

"Why is the Camel so hard to see in the desert? Because it's Camel-flaged..."

"I got a starfish for a pet It was a no-brainer."