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Joke of the Day

"I hate and despise violence In fact, the very thought of it makes me want to beat the shit out of someone"

"You could completely eliminate the semicolon key and 90% of America wouldn't notice... until they needed to wink at somebody."

"What's the difference between an illegal Mexican and ET? ET looked better, smelled better, learned English, didn't claim benefits, had his own fucking bike, and wanted to go home!"

"My parrots are stuck together... Pet owner: Vet, vet, my parrots are stuck together! Vet: I'm sorry, I don't understand - it's toucan fusing"

"How do you make a cookie dance? Throw a little dough at it!"

"What does a cow who's a jerk grow up to be? Beef Jerky."

"Technically, it's only cannibalism if you eat the top half of the mermaid, your honour."

"A naked jew with an erection ran into a wall He broke his nose"

"I used to work in a darkroom developing photographs... but I quit because there was too much negativity."

"""Two can play at that game"" -guy who's confused about solitaire."