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Joke of the Day
"What is better than a rose on a guitarist? Tulips on my pianist."
Next Joke
"My friends definitely cannot handle their alcohol. Last night they dropped me 3 times carrying me out of the bar"
"Boss: HR wants to see you Me: What for? Boss: Mandatory drug test Me: Oh man, I really can't do any more drugs after the weekend I had"
"How many of you are household pets reading tweets while your owners nap?"
"How does constipation work? I don't give a shit."
"In Pokemon, I never understood why bug types were supereffective against dark types. But then I thought about malaria in Africa and it all made sense."
"What do you call a 200 year old Buffalo? A bison-tennial."
"Why do cows wear bells around their necks? Because their horns don't work 8 year old brother just told me this joke, thought it belonged here"
"I retweet to avoid any awkward silences between tweets."
"""I made bank today."" - Inarticulate Construction Worker"