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Joke of the Day

"I couldn't remember my speech at a funeral today so I improvised with a magic trick and sawed the coffin in half"

"I wish I could just ""like"" a text message so I don't have to respond."

"If you take a dump on a leaf You will have a shitty thyme"

"Before you refer to someone as your ex, make sure they know you dated."

"Who makes the sweetest video games? Masahiro Saccharide"

"I never want to have a threesome, If I wanted to dissappoint two people at once I'd have dinner with my parents."

"I went to a AAA meeting today and a guy celebrated 21 years. That is some responsible vehicle ownership."

"Do scarecrows really work? No, but because they don't register for benefits, they don't count as unemployed either."

"I like my women like I like my chocolate... White."

"You think God hates crosses? If my kid died on a roller coaster, then everyone started wearing roller coaster necklaces, I'd be pissed."