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Joke of the Day

"I wish I could just ""like"" a text message so I don't have to respond."

"What has two legs and bleeds a lot? Half a cat."

"Crazy ex's are like a box of chocolates They'll kill your dog"

"This joke will SHOCK you. how do you catch a mouse? Click baiting."

"Why was everybody too afraid to go to the barber? He committed barbercide."

"Fastfood Clerk: Number 27! Double steak combo with extra fries! Man: Right here! Clerk: Here you go sir, sorry about your weight. Man: Oh, it wasn't long at al- wait... Clerk: >:D"

"Doctor and patient Doctor: ""I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live."" Patient: ""What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"" Doctor: ""Nine."""

"Q: What food diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%? A: Her wedding cake."

"If my next of kin takes a nap.. Can i call him Napkin?"

"How can you tell if your girlfriend is getting fat? When She fits in your wife's clothes."