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Joke of the Day

"You think God hates crosses? If my kid died on a roller coaster, then everyone started wearing roller coaster necklaces, I'd be pissed."

"What do you call the German word for Vaseline? Derweinerslider"

"Folks I'm seeing Trainwreck tomorrow night. Then after the GOP debate, I might go to the new Amy Schumer movie! Yeah, I went there"

"Two Cleaners In A Car... Broom Broom"

"What type of pasta is most likely to cheat for a musical award? Rigatoni"

"My dad just text me, ""I'm fleeing the cuntry."" I'm like, ""Wtf does that mean"". His reply? ""Your mom."""

"Q: Why did the bank drive-up window teller have tire tread marks across the back of his grey suit? A: From crawling across the street when the sign said: ""Don't Walk."""

"When I die, I hope it's in a women's dressing room because if I become a ghost, that would be AWESOME!"

"Am I the only one who wants to write ""Over"" at the end of my tweets? Over."

"In a double blind study researchers found women who drink regularly are more likely to become nuns Proving once and for all that alcohol is habit forming."