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Joke of the Day

"*gazes into the abyss* *awkwardly looks away and pretends I wasn't looking when the abyss gazes back*"

"At what time of day was Adam born? Just before Eve."

"Twitter, because my work isn't just going to ignore itself."

"The German chancellor is traveling to greece She arrives at immigration and the immigration officer says ""nationality?"" The chancelor says ""German"" Officer: occupation? Chancelor: no not this time."

"I used to have a job impersonating a German composer. Bach in the day!. (I take no credit for this - as I read it in a magazine)"

"She said she wanted to bump uglies. So, naturally, I got all showered & freshened up and then I rammed my Ford Pinto into her Honda Element."

"When did you stop beating your wife? When we stopped having masturbation races."

"I get it, you have a philosophy degree, but I just want you to make my latte, not wax poetic about life, okay Baristotle? Extra foam please."

"What do you get if you cross a rooster with peanut butter? A cock that sticks to the roof of your mouth."

"What do you call it when a turtle beats a rabbit in a race? Aesop story."