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Joke of the Day

"When did you stop beating your wife? When we stopped having masturbation races."

"A boy wrote Santa: ""please send me a sister"". Santa wrote back: ""Alright, send me your mother""."

"What's black, and breaks into houses? A wrecking ball"

"Did you hear about the Egyptian boatman who refused to believe his craft was sinking? He was in denial"

"What do you call an alligator in a vest? An in-vesti-gator!"

"""Hello Mr. Ress, how have you been?"" asked the psychologist. ""I feel as though people use me as something to fall back on."" he replied. ""And why do you think that is, Matt?"""

"I sent my wife a card that said, ""I DON'T LIKE ANY OF THE BABIES YOU'VE MADE."""

"I hate when I'm about to hug someone really good looking And then I hit the mirror."

"I like to sit on my hands until they go numb so it feels like somebody else is doing my dishes."

"I heard that they're coming up with a new Tron movie which deals with particle physics... Its called new-Tron."