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Joke of the Day

"She said she wanted to bump uglies. So, naturally, I got all showered & freshened up and then I rammed my Ford Pinto into her Honda Element."

"Your ugly. And you're drunk. Yes but in the morning I'll be sober !"

"Am I a bad person of I am skeptical of a guy with a ""Need Help - God Bless"" sign on an iPad 2?"

"welcome to denny's. don't eat that brown stuff. that's tables"

"German scientists have discovered a new drug, derived from the bacteria *Adolfus hitlerii*, which will be applied to people with ADD. Its ad campaign will carry the slogan ""It helps Jew concentrate"""

"A son asks his father, ""Dad, what does gay mean?"". ""Son, gay means happy"", the father replies. ""Dad, are you gay?"" ""No, son, I'm married to your mother"""

"What did the slug say to the police? ""I was as""salt""ed"""

"My girlfriend makes me want to be a better person So I can get a better girlfriend ---Not OC, credit: Anthony Jeselnik"

"Well you can tell by the way I use my walk I'm incontinent No time to talk."

"What would you do if you were a ghost?"