226165

Joke of the Day

"At funerals instead of crying, I tie the dead person's shoe laces together. It's not stupid. What if he comes back as a zombie?"

"My friends were making fun of Starlord I told them that Pratt Shaming isn't welcome in my house"

"I once slowly roasted a Marshmallow over fire until the Michelin Man gave me some free tires."

"Why was the lesbian nervous about her first trip to China? All the dongs."

"A boy asks his dad Boy: Daddy why do we call Mr Brown, brown? Dad: Probably cause he poops brown. Boy: like Mr White I guess."

"I peed on the floor in front of the beverages at a party Now there's no punchline."

"*sits* This is nice. *stands* This is also pretty cool. *lays down* Oh okay this is my favorite."

"What happened to the blind circumcisor? He got the sack."

"PSA: If you're about to be arrested, climb to the roof of a nearby court. You are now 'above the law' & literally can't get in trouble ever"

"I have a friend who says he's a pothead but only takes one hit and then he's stoned. He's not a pothead, he's a mari-wanna be."