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Joke of the Day

"""Of course I have a mandate!"" Donald Trumpler shrieked at reporters. ""Master Putin is picking me up tonight for dinner and dancing."""

"My fitness instructor asked me how flexible I was... So I told him I can't do Tuesdays or Thursdays."

"Greatest Fears: -Sharks -Ebola -Bears -Bear Sharks -Bear Sharks with Ebola -Sharks with Lazers -Man carrying a clipboard on the sidewalks"

"Why do Asains have small penises they don't like being 'rong'"

"What is the best gift you can give your girlfriend for your anniversary? Nothing. It's a gift she will always remember. Edit: Wording clarified (Thanks to therinnovator)."

"A man goes to see a psychologist wear only plastic wrap on his whole body The psychologist says well I can see your nuts"

"Teacher: Whoever answers my next question, can go home. One boy throws his bag out the window. Teacher: who just threw that?! Boy: Me! I'm going home now."

"Before you insult a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you insult him you're a mile away and you have his shoes."

"My apologies to Tom Cruise. I honestly thought that Scientologists dug up and studied old scientists."

"How Many Feminist does it take to Screw SRSer ? None, Even Feminist have standarts"