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Joke of the Day

"My fitness instructor asked me how flexible I was... So I told him I can't do Tuesdays or Thursdays."

"I'll never forget where I was when I found out I have Alzheimer's"

"What do u call a Mexican who survives a shootout and lives to tell the tale? The Juan who lived."

"What did one flea say to the other after a night out ? Shall we walk home or take a dog ?"

"If I was a fish... I'd be a broke trout."

"If only humans were more like me, smart and wise and- *I get surprised by the toast I forgot I was making*"

"A termite walks into a bar and asks... ... Where's the bar tender?"

"What's a cats favorite firearm? A meowser"

"""Entertainment News"" is a strange way to spell gossip."

"A rabbi and a priest walk past a burning orphanage the rabbi says to the priest should we save the children? The priest responds ""nah fuck them"" the rabbi replies do we have time"