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Joke of the Day

"Greatest Fears: -Sharks -Ebola -Bears -Bear Sharks -Bear Sharks with Ebola -Sharks with Lazers -Man carrying a clipboard on the sidewalks"

"I told my husband that instead of leaving his dirty dishes on the counter, he should leave them in 1952 so a nice housewife cleans them up."

"What's the difference between an illegal Mexican and ET? ET looked better, smelled better, learned English, didn't claim benefits, had his own fucking bike, and wanted to go home!"

"Obesity researchers have discovered a new approach to solve the problem. They are now focusing on just making people taller."

"Just because I've lost my mind doesn't mean I'm looking for it."

"Do you know the thing about carpets? They demand to be felt."

"TIFU. She was on top."

"My grandpa once told me... If you want a girl to accept your proposal, you have to spend 2 months salary on a ring. I asked him, what the hell is a salary?"

"Son: ""Jim Morrison sucks"" Dad: ""Hey, what did I tell you about slamming The Doors?"""

"My girlfriend is due tomorrow ...however, I have to wait 18 years before I can date her"