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Joke of the Day

"My apologies to Tom Cruise. I honestly thought that Scientologists dug up and studied old scientists."

"I'm so broke that if my girlfriend leaves me for another guy I swear that I'm going with them."

"What do I call my pasta friend? Ma Caroni! (my crony)"

"Did you hear about the Million Dollar Dutch Lottery? It's great! If you win, you gat a dollar each year... for a million years."

"Honey, I'm afraid we can't get married anymore. weed_hitler69 just told me I was gay. *looks at Xbox* Thank you sir. You've changed my life."

"Be the first thought on her mind when she wakes up & the last before she sleeps... unless she's plotting your murder... then don't be that."

"What does Donald Trump say when he's mad? There'll be hell toupee!"

"The therapist told my wife and I not to go to bed angry... we haven't slept in 36 years."

"""So,why r all Arabs terrorists?"" 'All?' ""Well,most."" 'There's 369,243,763 Arabs.If they were mostly terrorists,you'd be dead' #ArabInAmerica"

"What did the cactus say to his wife? 'Aloe Vera!"