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Joke of the Day

"My apologies to Tom Cruise. I honestly thought that Scientologists dug up and studied old scientists."

"I can sneak in an Uptown Funk reference here. Don't believe me? Just watch."

"How does a feminist screw in a light bulb? She doesn't, she just holds it in the socket and waits for the world to revolve around her."

"Don't be afraid to be open-minded. Your brain isn't going to fall out."

"What do you call a camel with three humps? Pregnant"

"Customer: Why don't you have doggie bags? Waiter: That would be cruelty to animals."

"I just want a man who can lick the crumbs from the bottom of a Pringles tube."

"Q: Why do blondes drive VWs? A: Because they can spell it."

"Taylor Swift's next album is going to be another break-up album. It will be about her split with Spotify."

"The celibate butcher is pretty successful in his occupations. Nothing beats his meat!"