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Joke of the Day

"My CW just barked. Ok, it may have been a burp, but I'd like him a lot more if he were turning into a dog, so I think he barked."

"Probably karma that Will Smith made a song about parents not understanding and then had a son who literally no one understands."

"How many legs does an elephant have if you count his trunk as a leg? Four. Because calling the trunk a leg doesn't make it a leg."

"I was born to be happy... not normal."

"What's hardest part about eating bald pussy? Putting the diaper back on."

"My 4-year-old is playing doctor with her baby dolls. She walked by a minute ago holding just a leg. Surgery didn't go well."

"Obi-wan: You don't have a shot with Padme. Anakin: Don't underestimate my charm. *stares at her creepily for the rest of the movie*"

"Policeman: Did you know your vehicle was reported stolen? Criminal: It wasn't when I took it."

"What if the last episode of ""House"" reveals it's all been the dream of a kid with lupus?"

"I work as a Lie Detector for police interrogations. At least it's honest work."