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Joke of the Day

"I was born to be happy... not normal."

"WIFE: you forgot to run the dishwasher again, didn't you? ME: [drinking milk from a flower vase] no, why?"

"How do you know a drummer is at your door? The knock speeds up."

"Jehovah's witnesses tell the worst knock, knock jokes"

"If you could choose between 1 billion dollars and world peace... What would the color of your new Lamborghini be?"

"Hey wanna take the elevator with me and discuss what day of the week it feels like? And then we can go over what day it actually is, deal?"

"Netflix documentaries convinced me I should be vegan. So I did what any American would do. I bought some bacon and canceled Netflix."

"Did you hear the one about the blonde that had a problem with her bed? She couldn't find a knife large enough to apply the bed spread."

"Business Idea: 1. Buy a taco truck. 2. Park it in front of my house. 3. Sell tacos to myself."

"Teeth are so weird. Imagine if all of our bones were exposed and we had to brush them."