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Joke of the Day

"LISTEN LADY IF YOU DIDN'T WANT ME SITTING ON YOUR BABY YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE CALLED ASKING FOR A BABYSITTER"

"What did the Russian people light their houses with before they started using candles? Electricity."

"My Grandmother always leaves long voicemails. Its 5 minutes of her talking and 10 minutes of her trying to hang up the phone."

"It costs over $235,000 for parents to raise a child today. And that's just for the alcohol."

"I hate being the only drunk person at the party It totally ruined my sons 6th birthday!"

"Religion is all about who you DON'T recognize..... Jews don't recognize Jesus as the son of God, Protestants don't recognize the Pope, and Baptists don't recognize each other in the liquor store."

"I always carry a mushroom with me, just in case my enemy shows up & I need something to make me bigger."

"An illegal immigrant and a pedophile got into a fight... It was the real life version of Alien vs Predator"

"I was glad to see the back of my ex-girlfriend! She always insisted on having sex doggy-style...."

"Fun Fact: The ""eye roll"" was created by Eve in the Garden of Eden within 15 min of her first conversation with Adam."