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Joke of the Day

"My wife said the infinity scarf I got her is too small and I said: ""That's mathematically impossible."" Anyhoo, we're divorced now."

"When I was 13 I prayed to God to lengthen my penis by 1"". I think I made him angry. Either that or the Olympian Gods answered my prayer."

"Two penguins are in the shower The first penguin turns to the other and says, ""Hey, pass the soap, please."" The second one replies, ""What do I look like? A typewriter?"""

"A horse walks into a bar He saddles up to the counter. The bartender asks ""Would you like a drink?"" The horse replies ""Neigh."" (I'm so sorry)"

"If you date someone working for the federal government and then break up, does he become FedEx? #oksorry"

"Q: What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? A: It only takes one nail to hang the picture."

"Ben: I'm trying to read, you're in my light Me: Because I am a Solo eclipse! Ben: Dad I swear to- Me: I am blocking the light of the son!"

"what do you get when you mix a Shih Tzu and a bull B.S."

"What's a pirate's favorite letter? R? You'd think that but it's the C."

"I met a ninja and asked if he could throw those pointy stars that ninjas have. He said, ""shuriken."""