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Joke of the Day

"Two penguins are in the shower The first penguin turns to the other and says, ""Hey, pass the soap, please."" The second one replies, ""What do I look like? A typewriter?"""

"What do you call a modified practice amongst border security workers? A custom custom custom."

"Some people say putting helium in animals is wrong, I say whatever floats your goat."

"I don't need a girlfriend to get action... The Pokemon servers go down on me all the time."

"The Fed is thinking of minting a new coin with Obama's face on it It'll be worth 60 (.60 = 3/5)"

"Kinda creepy that my kids got in a screaming match over which one is my favorite since I don't have any kids."

"Why do chicken coops only have two doors? Because if they had four, it would be a chicken sedan"

"If I ever wake up on Christmas Day and there's a Mercedes outside with a giant ribbon on it, I'm gonna assume it has an ignition bomb"

"POLICE: Sir, do you know how fast you were going? ME: Jealous much?"

"Idea: Breathalyzer tests at the airport, to make sure you're drunk enough"