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Joke of the Day

"what do you get when you mix a Shih Tzu and a bull B.S."

"Who is Gary Johnson? I don't Aleppknow"

"Is it gay if a male doctor feels your balls while looking you deep in your eyes and isn't really a doctor but is just some guy at Target?"

"This steak is so black. . . It stole my car"

"Nothing says defeat than deleting your own tweet."

"Some Mexican guy just tackled me & put silver/grey tape all over my belly then ran away... I was ab-duct-taped by an alien. (I'm so sorry)"

"I have days when wearing a hat is the only use I have made of my head."

"LinkedIn is a terrible dating site"

"What has one ""n"", two ""g""s, an ""i"", ""e"", and an ""r"" and you can only say this word when you belong to this group? ginger"

"MAGICIAN: think of a card! ME: ok. MAGICIAN: is... this ur card? [holds up card that says ""UGH I HATE MAGIC SHOWS THIS IS CRAP""] ME: holy crap"