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Joke of the Day

"FBI: If you testify you'll have to go into the Witness Protection Program ME: I'll do it FBI: Your wife and kids too ME: Oh ok never mind"

"Friend: Dow dropped 45 points yesterday. Me: I don't follow basketball."

"Had to remove the seconds hand from my watch.. was really starting to tick me off"

"A cowboy peers down the pit of an outhouse... He sees an Indian standing at the bottom. He asks, ""How long have you been down there?"" The Indian replies: ""Many moons."""

"When it comes to making jokes about heart palpitations I never skip a beat"

"Did they ever identify that unknown female deer crime victim? You mean Jane Doe?"

"Why do cows wear bells around their necks? Because their horns don't work."

"A guy walks into a bar and asks the guy across from him why his hands were all over his face: The guy across replies: ""Because I am a clock you drunk fuck."""

"Why does NASA throw the best parties.... they make sure to planet"

"My doctor told me if I was 5"" taller I'd be at the ideal weight, so I'm going to try and give that a shot."