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Joke of the Day

"A guy walks into a bar and asks the guy across from him why his hands were all over his face: The guy across replies: ""Because I am a clock you drunk fuck."""

"Where do bacteria like to vacation? Germany"

"When does 1+1=3? When you don't use a condom."

"Just saw a guy using a payphone. I can only assume he's being told where to deliver the ransom money."

"*friend bites off beer bottle cap at party* HONEY! HONEY!! NOW!! NOW!!! *wife jumps out car with a hundred jars from the fridge*"

"Studies suggest when it comes to dealing with stress, masturbation is twice as effective as sex So one in the hand really is worth two in the bush."

"Voldemort: Knock Knock Harry potter: Who's there? Voldemort: You know. Harry potter: You know who? Voldemort: Exactly!!!"

"What do you get when you cross a fag and a dairy farm? A Dairy Queen"

"I know you've been here. I can smell you, still taste you on my lips. I crave more, but it's over now. Also, you're a donut. And I ate you."

"I tried to say no to the vodka but it was 40% stronger than me"