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Joke of the Day

"[Playing piano to impress a Russian girl] ""Do you like it?"" Her: That's sheet music ""Yes, it is."" Her: Now excuse me, I huv to take a sheet."

"Why does Dr. Pepper come In cans? He's a strange dude."

"The enemy of my enemy of my enemy of my enemy of my enemy is Kevin Bacon."

"I'm getting my wife a new bag and belt for our anniversary She will finally be able to vacuum again."

"OFFICER DOWN I REPEAT WE HAVE AN OFFICER DOWN. I'm fine just down for whatever. Dancing or something fun."

"How many Vietnam vets does it take to screw in a lightbulb? YOU WOULDN'T KNOW!!! YOU WEREN'T THERE!"

"There were two fish in a tank. There were two fish in a tank. One turns to the other and says, ""Do you know how to drive this thing?"" How much do pirates pay for their earrings? A buccaneer."

"I wanted to build my career on making chemistry jokes to cure my depression. Then I realized alcohol is a solution."

"Being possessed would be cool because you could turn your head all the way around to say ""wrong hole"""

"FRIEND: Don is flying in tomorrow ME: My cousin Don or Amazing Hearing Don? [I get a text] Amazing Hearing Don"