162442

Joke of the Day

"Being possessed would be cool because you could turn your head all the way around to say ""wrong hole"""

"What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift? Exchange him."

"Craigslist A man placed an ad on his local craigslist: ""Wife wanted"". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: ""You can have mine."""

"alladin: do u trust me jasmine: i've only known you for 2 hours a: so u don't wanna jump off this rooftop j: lemme ask my tiger first"

"That's about as useful as... ...Anne Frank's drumkit."

"Hotel coffee is like having sex in a canoe... It's fucking close to water."

"It's not fair that lab animals get to test all those nice cosmetics while I'm stuck using the cheap stuff."

"Did you hear the one about the tiny prisoner who went down the stairs? It's a little condescending. ;)"

"*makes sure kids are asleep* *walks out to car* *slowly unwraps candy bar* *hears knock on window* *puts head down* *hands it to them*"

"I bought a Female Golden retriever and named her Sophia... Because she's my Golden Girl."