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Joke of the Day

"*takes off pants* *crawls into bed* Security Guard- Lady, this is Macy's *crawls out of bed* *puts on pants* SG- Those aren't your pants"

Next Joke
 
"My GF is like my treasure... I buried her in my backyard yesterday."
"If I could have dinner with anyone alive or dead I would just have two dinners."
"Could you please tell me what a slightly better alternative to a pokeball is? That'd be great."
"Excuse me, waiter. Is my order almost ready to Instagram?"
"What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto . . hahah . . . fuck"
"clever pupil makes fool his teacher PUPIL: Teacher, would you punish me for something I didn't do? TEACHER: off course not. PUPIL: good, because I didn't do my homework."
"My inflatable girlfriend always looks surprised when I walk into the room."
"They say two heads are better than one... men are the exception"
"I shot my first turkey today! Scared the shit out of everyone in the frozen food section though."