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Joke of the Day

"Sorry for releasing thousands of shrieking bats at your wedding. Sometimes I don't know what to do with my hands."

"So I was out shopping for a Mothers Day gift for tommorow I bet that scared the shit out of you"

"Voted class president. Assassinated."

"Michael J Fox SMH"

"Cuban I asked my grandmother for ""something Cuban"" for my birthday, and she had got me a Che Guevara shirt. Clothes, but no cigar."

"My friend Opie owns a pizza restaurant. Wanna know why it's so successful? Because Opie delivers."

"Perfect Joke: Two peanuts were walking down the street... ...one was assaulted."

"As I exposed my glorious chest hairs & catapulted toward the Velcro wall, I realized that I had no exit strategy."

"How do you stop your ol' lady from ruining your Saturday night? Kill the bitch on friday."

"Removing make-up or as I like to say, Resetting face to factory settings."