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Joke of the Day

"How do you stop your ol' lady from ruining your Saturday night? Kill the bitch on friday."

"1 in 5 bosses will let you leave work early if you claim to have 'lady problems' then start crying. It works even better for guys."

"My grandma has been lying to me for years. A watched pot really does boil. Moral of the story, trust no one."

"Before you buy that nice jacket online, ask yourself: ""Am I willing to delete one extra email every day for the rest of my life?"""

"Coworker: Ugh, the coffee is too strong Me: There is no strong coffee. Just weak people."

"They told me to get help when I was suicidal. My guy was terrible-- he wouldn't even pull the trigger!"

"What's the difference between Cottage Cheese and Cream Cheese? I didn't cottage in my pants"

"Hitting on women is like doing Parkour.. I can't do Parkour."

"Just saw you on the beach and think you might look better in something that covers you a bit more. Like your car."

"If a tiger goes to bite you, confuse him by french kissing him. You'll probably still die, but at least you got to make out w/ a tiger."