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Joke of the Day

"After my grandfather's funeral... I scattered his remains all over my back garden. Which was horrible, because he hadn't been cremated."

"Why are track suits so popular song members of the former Soviet Union? Aww cheap. I screwed up the title."

"It's weird how many of my ancestors were sepia-toned."

"[bedtime] brain: hey remember that lost episode where the couple gets paralyzed DO THOSE SPIDERS LIVE NEAR US me: SLEEP brain: NO, GOOGLE IT"

"I heard they wanted to do an Asian version of Drive but there's already a movie called Crash."

"That walk of shame when you fail at throwing a ball of paper into the garbage."

"Bury it... ...it's my dad's 'dead joke'."

"My misery likes tequila, not company."

"At this point, every item on drive-thru menus should have ""Uhhh..."" in front of it."

"Thanks to the Fed continuing to print money, a picture is now only worth 583 words."