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Joke of the Day
"My misery likes tequila, not company."
Next Joke
"*During an interview* Interviewer: 'So how long were you employed in your last job?' Candidate: 'I'd say my biggest weakness is my listening skills.'"
"Toilets are really just fart amplifiers when you are trying to be quiet."
"What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants. One's a crusty bus station while the other's a busty crustacean."
"[lost in Spain] Wife: ask that man where we are Me [pretending to speak Spanish with a local]: gracias Wife: well? Me: we are in Spain"
"Why do women have legs? So they don't make trails like snails."
"What flavor do termites like best? Chair-y"
"When i apply to the job... Interviewer: So why do you want this job? Me: Well, I've always been really passionate about not starving to death."
"There was an episode of the Flintstones where a mechanic worked on Fred's car HEY FRED YOURE GETTING RIPPED OFF THERE IS NO ENGINE IN THERE"
"What does Las Vegas have in common with Scotland? Not a lot, but in both you can pay for sex with chips."