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Joke of the Day

"At this point, every item on drive-thru menus should have ""Uhhh..."" in front of it."

"Remember: whatever fun game you invent for your kids, you're going to have to play it 10,000 times"

"What happens when you give Sigmund Freud and Oedipus a bunch of cocaine? A mother fucking awesome party."

"My daughter demanded she be treated like a princess... so I married her off to secure an alliance with the French."

"Q: Why do bagpipers walk when they play? A: To get away from the noise."

"Our doctor told us that vaginal delivery is definitely an option.. But when the hooker arrived at our place the next day, my wife was *not* pleased."

"what idiot called it the sun instead of a space heater?"

"Accidentally deleted an invitation to join LinkedIn from a friend. I doubt I'll ever get an opportunity like that again."

"What's the difference between being artistic and autistic? Just one letter."

"I hate when movies use that fakey ""55555"" ZIP code so pranksters won't try mailing letters & postcards to the characters."