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Joke of the Day

"Bury it... ...it's my dad's 'dead joke'."

"If sex with 3 people is called a 3 some, sex with 2 people is called a 2 some.. Then I know why everyone calls you handsome."

"folks this is your captain, we're reaching an altitude of 69,000ft. the plane can't fly this high so we're gonna crash, but it was worth it."

"""Was this car tested on animals?"" ""sir animals can't drive"" ""will this car enable animals to drive?"" ""No"" ""SO YOU DID TEST IT!"" ""god damnit"""

"What did the hippy who has been crashing on your couch for the last 2 weeks say when you asked him to leave?! Am I supposed to say the answer or let y'all guess for a bit?!"

"I just spent two weeks in Vegas looking for my wife's killer... but no one would do it."

"Ever get high off of watching Rambo? I got really Stalloned the other night."

"What has two legs and screams... half a dog."

"Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton were playing chess... The comedy practically writes itself."

"WAITER: How is everything? ME: Soul crushing and void of meaning W: I meant your meal M: Soul crushing, void of meaning, and needs salt"