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Joke of the Day

"Have you ever gone camping with Crohn's disease? Shits in tents."

"[God creating beards] ADAM: God, I don't like my face. GOD: Tell ya what, buddy: I'll cover it in pubes. ADAM: What? That's not GOD: Done."

"The Mistaken Hiker"

"Why was the lifeguard unable to save the hippie from drowning in the ocean? He was too *far out, man*."

"(If you can't guess the obvious punch line, be warned its messed up) ....What's the best part of having sex with twentynine year olds!?... There's 20 of them"

"My 4-year-old just asked if peanuts had peanut butter in them what kinda dumbass have I brought into this world."

"How do you determine the personality of a hot dog? Give it an Oscar-Myers-Briggs test"

"Go back in time and kill Hitler as a baby. He'd be so freaked out that a baby is trying to murder him, you'll have the element of surprise."

"Beggin'Strips: Stop pretending dogs don't know it's not bacon. They smell cocaine in a cooch across an airport; I'm sure they know NOT bacon"

"What's the difference between jam and jelly? I can't jelly my dick up your ass."