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Joke of the Day

"(If you can't guess the obvious punch line, be warned its messed up) ....What's the best part of having sex with twentynine year olds!?... There's 20 of them"

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"I decided to sell my vacuum... It was just collecting dust."
"""I need some space."" - astronaut breaking up with his girlfriend"
"Laurie got offended just because I used the word ""puke"" But to me, that's what her dinner tasted like."
"My husband is like Santa Claus He's old, fat, and comes once in a year."
"Clark Kent: *sits glasses on counter* Lois Lane: Who are you and where did the new countertop come from?"
"What's a ghosts favourite Christmas entertainment ? A phantomime !"
"What do you call a hired investigator who's a jerk only when he's alone? A private dick."
"How come there are like a thousand songs about Christmas but only one song about the boys being back in town? This is not original"
"What's Donald Trump's favorite dance move? Hit the Juan"