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Joke of the Day

"Why was the lifeguard unable to save the hippie from drowning in the ocean? He was too *far out, man*."

"Well I've heard there was a secret chord That David played and it pleased the Lord. Gsus"

"The 21st century: Deleting history is often more important than making it.."

"This cat poop tastes like I'm about to get yelled at. -- Dogs"

"A police officer walks into a bar. He shoots it and claims self defense."

"What do we want?! LOW FLYING AIRPLANES! When do we want them?! NEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!!!!!!"

"Justin Biebers music saved my life I was in a coma after a bad car accident and the nurse decided to start playing some Justin bieber... I woke up and turned that shit off."

"What did the black kid get for christmas? Your bike."

"Whenever one door closes, another opens. ..perhaps the one who built the house didn't do a good job."

"Students, unfollow me now. Tonight's drunk subtweets might sting a little. Especially you Britney. Your lab report was a pile of dog shit."