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Joke of the Day

"Beggin'Strips: Stop pretending dogs don't know it's not bacon. They smell cocaine in a cooch across an airport; I'm sure they know NOT bacon"

"Some of you should be ashamed of yourselves. You know who you are. I probably should be too, but this isn't about me."

"What did the Pirate say when he got his firecrackers? Ahoy M-80"

"Where did the general put his armies? In his sleevies."

"[impatiently yells] ""What do I have to do to get a margarita around here??"" And that's when I got kicked out of Dairy Queen."

"I'd like deadlines more if they were called happy endings."

"""War Horse"" and ""The Help"" are the SAME movie! I watched them on my laptop and they BOTH have a 90 minute scene where I just check Facebook."

"I bet Columbus was super pissed when he rolled up in the Santa Maria only to find Dora had already explored America."

"If I lost a leg in an accident the worst part would be never being able to flush a public toilet again"

"You know what's weird? I've never seen any femail boxes."