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Joke of the Day

"[God creating beards] ADAM: God, I don't like my face. GOD: Tell ya what, buddy: I'll cover it in pubes. ADAM: What? That's not GOD: Done."

Next Joke
 
"Wife: you're drunk Me: no'm not Wife: I'M JUST A POOR BOY NOBODY LOVES ME Me: HE JURSTA PRO BROY FUMMA FLOOR FLAMLEE Wife: Me: ok lil bit"
"Why do people carry umbrellas? Because umbrellas cant walk."
"My new app is called Tech Bubble. It makes all the other app icons on your phone float around like bubbles. Current valuation: $3 trillion."
"Top causes of divorce: 1. Finances 2. Infidelity 3. Unmet expectations 4. Growing apart 5. Tandem bikes"
"Damn boy, is your name Dulcolax because you irritate the shit out of me."
"Why are TV's attracted to people? Because we turn them on. /*Badumtss*/"
"Toad was always my favorite Mario character He just seems like a fungi."
"What time is it in Brazil? Oh, it's 7 past Cesar"
"I took over 50,000 steps today by taping my fitness bracelet to my Roomba."