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Joke of the Day

"If you replaced Odysseus with Oedipus.. ..would a long series of journeys or wanderings be known as an Oedipussy?"

"What has four legs, is big, green, and fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree on top of you, would kill you? A pool table."

"""So you're a foodie? What's a foodie?"" ""We enjoy eating out and trying new food."" ""So you're like everyone else, except you brag about it?"""

"If you commit a crime be sure to wear running clothes, so if you need to flee the scene cops will just think ""Look at that healthy jogger"""

"There's a crying baby on my bus and I'm all ""shut up baby, you're not the one going to work."""

"I'd like to dedicate this award to gravity. You've always kept me down to earth."

"Welcome to middle age, here's your card. You'll now have a favorite local weatherman and your elbows will never be pointy again."

"Q: What's black and blue and laying in a ditch? A: A guitarist who'd told too many drummer jokes."

"Teacher to Student Why are you looking at the monkey outside the window when I am here. What sentence seemingly appropriate makes you burst into laughter?"

"ATTORNEY: my client would like to confess ME: i sell human organs on the black market JUDGE [who needs a kidney transplant]: tell me more"