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Joke of the Day

"Q: What's black and blue and laying in a ditch? A: A guitarist who'd told too many drummer jokes."

"When my wife is out of town my sleeping position changes from 'balancing on edge of bed' to 'snow angel'"

"What is faster than a black person with your TV ? His brother with your DVD player."

"The best advice I can give to Black Friday shoppers is to come early and take a shit by the door so everyone tracks it in."

"Today I am choosing to stay positive and kind to anyone I encounter today, except vampires."

"I just sold adderal to a guy who thinks its viagra! Ahh, he'll thank me later."

"I hope the meteorite crash in Russia doesn't affect the price of Vodka!"

"What do you call an egg that cures cancer? A keurig. Joke written by my 9 year old son."

"[spider confronting me] him: yo did you steal my coat? me: [wearing 8-sleeved coat] no this is mine"

"Just changed the names of all the girls in my contact list to: ""Jake, from State Farm""."