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Joke of the Day

"Kids asked if they could do something & I said yes so my wife lowered my security clearance & now I'm not authorized to make those decisions"

"Alien Invasion Will an alien invasion affect my plans for world domination?"

"Why was the graveyard so noisy? Because of all the coffin."

"The Strongman by Everhard Muscles"

"FUN FACT: Hitler used to say goodbye to people, then come back into the room for something and make everyone awkwardly say goodbye again."

"How many nihilists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? #"

"sorry ladies, just changed my Facebook relationship status from ""Single"" to ""Costco Member"""

"My ex-girlfriend weighed 85 pounds But that's about average considering she's 9"

"THERAPIST: You're cured. ME: Really?!? THERAPIST: No, of course not. How did that make you feel?"

"For today. * Knock knock. * Who's there? * 9/11. * 9/11 who? * [You said you wouldn't forget](/spoiler)"