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Joke of the Day

"Wow, it's beautiful outside. I should probably do something. Like close the blinds so there isn't a glare on my screen."

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"Fuck you, little sticker on produce!"
"A woman walks into a brothel, slaps down a few hundred dollars, and exclaims, ""I want twelve inches, and I want them to hurt!"" So the doorman smacks her face with a ruler."
"There hasn't really been any natural disasters lately Even the mudslides have gone downhill."
"A woman goes to the doctor... The doctor asks ""What seems to be the problem?"" She responds, ""Every time I sneeze, I orgasm"" The doctor ask, ""Are you taking anything for it?"" ""Yeah, pepper."""
"Chuck Norris can tell you that he likes Dr. Pepper... with a straight face."
"What does an elite hacker get after being arrested? [deleted]"
"Why did the hippie drown? Because he was too far out, man."
"Where do guys go when they want to get their penis sized and fitted? The Cocktailor."
"So my kid secretly recorded me driving and singing and put it on social media if you needed to know how important birth control is today."