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Joke of the Day
"Fuck you, little sticker on produce!"
Next Joke
"Helpful advice for travellers: If you are going to get on a commercial flight take a bomb with you. BECAUSE: What are the odds of TWO guys being on the SAME PLANE at the SAME TIME with a bomb?"
"My hand sanitizer smells like vodka. This gives me an idea! ........OK, that wasn't a very good idea."
"Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, ""You're next."" They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals."
"*slides $5 to the funeral director* Maybe you can get me the widow's phone number?"
"What has two wings and an arrow? A Chinese telephone"
"I like my coffee like I like my women Without pubic hair."
"I had to roll the passenger window up by hand in my friend's antique 320i like a goddamned Neanderthal, so I totally understand poverty."
"A priest, a paedophile and a rapist walk into a bar... He sits down and orders a drink."
"So pi and the imaginary number are talking... and i says to pi, ""be rational."" Pi responds, ""u shut ur bitch-ass whore mouth or im gon shank u mofo"" and i says, ""Oh shit just got real."""