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Joke of the Day
"Fuck you, little sticker on produce!"
Next Joke
"What does a chef say after he prays before a meal? Lett-Uce eat!!!!"
"Putin is really messing with Obama over this Ukraine thing. The last time a Russian beat a black guy this bad Apollo Creed died."
"I like my women like I like my cars Fast, loud, and used. Off craigslist."
"Why'd the guy panic and call 911 when he realized an ocean was forming around him? It was an emergent sea."
"Whenever I'm picking up my wife I skid to a stop by her & yell ""Come with me if you want to live!"" so she knows she married pure awesomeness"
"Hey! Welcome to Urban Outfitters. Are you a baby-sized woman or a woman-sized man?"
"I don't wear sunglasses because it's unfair that a photon travels 93 million miles and then when it's an inch from my eye I'm all ""um, no."""
"A screwdriver walks into a bar... The Bartender says, ""Hey! We have a drink named after you!"" The Screwdriver says, ""You have a drink named Murray?"""
"What's the difference between a Golden Chihuahua and a Golden Shower? You never have to pay before the dog'll pee on you."