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Joke of the Day
"What do you call a witch that only eats sand? Malnourished"
Next Joke
"Why does the Little Mermaid where sea shells? Because she can't fit in B shells!"
"*answers a bagel like a phone* i'm just in a meeting right now i'll call you back"
"What does a chef call an undercover cop? Pig in a blanket."
"I've just bought that new Lynx deodorant breadcrumb edition. The birds can't get enough of me!"
"What do gay alligators eat for breakfast? Cockadiles"
"*getting married Priest: will you love & honor her? Me: I will Her: [whispers to priest] Priest: and leave your phone unlocked? Me: I'm out"
"My wife's sexual fantasy is to be with another man. Mine is to have two girls at the same time. I think she misunderstood because now we have twin daughters from the mailman."
"When Chuck Norris makes a burrito, its main ingredient is real toes."
"A friend told me I take twitter way too seriously. Don't worry, I unfollowed her."