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Joke of the Day

"peanut Little Sally: Mommy, Mommy, Little Frankie showed me his penis on the playground! It reminded me of a peanut! Mommy (startled): Oh! Was it really small? Little Sally: No, it was salty!"

"My grandma talks a lot of shit for someone who still uses a flip phone."

"Seal walks into a club ..."

"I wish the mailman would come to my house at the same time as the garbage man so he could give my mail directly to him."

"My wife has developed a fetish with salad items... Earlier today she spent an hour trying to force a lettuce into my ass. And that was just the tip of the iceburg"

"a romantic scene where we're running toward each other but then i run past you and pick up your dog"

"What do you call an all panda furry orgy? Panda-moan-ium"

"Say what you want about Olympic Skiing Events.... .....but most of that sport is going downhill fast."

"*looks up from phone* Great, I'm inside of a coffin again."

"Facebook: Because I like being reminded that I went to school with idiots."