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Joke of the Day

"Abortions occur when the Stork is flying over a ravine, gets tired of carrying things and says ""Fuck this."""

"Barista: I have a latte for *3 second long screeching noise* Velociraptor: Actually it's *4 second long screeching noise* but close enough"

"At the gym I wear shirts that state ""If you are not into Anal, DON'T WASTE MY TIME!!!"" I realized how gay that was....after bunch of guys were flocking to me"

"What's the best part about having sex with a gilf? You can finger her and grab her titties with one hand at the same time. ;)"

"This morning I... changed a lightbulb, then I walked across the street so I could walk into a bar, and then is suddenly realized: my life is a joke."

"I was mugged by an artist last night.... he drew a gun on me"

"""Jessica wasn't usually dead. So when we found her dead we immediately knew something was wrong."" -Investigation Discovery"

"Coworker just said ""I need a thick black one."" She was talking about a marker but I'm still reporting her to HR for sexual harassment."

"What ""D"" (dimension) should Marilyn Monroe's movies always be shown in ? Blon-D"

"You can only regret what you remember. -Tequila"