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Joke of the Day

"While drinking my afternoon coffee, I oftentimes stare out the window... and ask myself: Would prison be all that bad?"

"Hillary Clinton is elected president... good one"

"me: when I was your age there was a band called Hoobastank grandson: his mind is clearly degraded. that cannot be true. the old man is dying"

"[moving her panties to the side] HEY MAA, I'M MAKING ROOM FOR MY LEGOS IN YOUR UNDERWEAR DRAWER."

"Tornado warnings outside. Good thing I got drunk enough to fight a tornado or else we'd be screwed."

"Why you shouldn't masturbate Dad: Son, you shouldn't masturbate otherwise you'll go blind. Son: Dad, I'm over here..."

"My favourite position in bed...... The side nearest the socket so i can play with my phone while it's charging"

"Just once I want a man to sweep me off my feet and carry me to bed WITHOUT all the groaning, swearing and yelling out ""DEAR GOD MY BACK!"""

"I don't think my wife likes me very much when I had a heart attack she wrote for an ambulance."

"I actually have to see a specialist for daily sex. I mean dyslexia."