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Joke of the Day

"me: when I was your age there was a band called Hoobastank grandson: his mind is clearly degraded. that cannot be true. the old man is dying"

"Why ""Trojan"" condoms? Didn't the Trojan horse burst open & thousands of little guys poured out? Less than stellar marketing."

"When I woke up this morning, the garbage disposal was making a funny noise. Turns out he was just masturbating in the next room."

"TIL: that changing a light bulb is not as easy as it sounds. On my first day as a lighthouse keeper."

"What did the pessimist say to the psychologist? Only the good die, Jung."

"In porn, large breasted women home alone order a LOT of pizza and never have money. They've lots to learn about nutrition & cash management."

"What's the difference between a BMW and a porcupine? The porcupine has the pricks on the outside. Credit to Top Gear."

"Leading up to the wedding (NAME) has been on a whiskey diet. His lost three days already."

"[starts chanting in unison] In Unison! In Unison! In Unison! Government Official: I don't know what he wants, all I know is I don't like it."

"A guy asked me out! Well, a guy asked me if I was going to be the same place he is. FINE, my boss called to see if I was coming to work."